FAQ we get about surrogacy in India

We wanted to tell our family about our surrogacy plans in person, and have made an effort to do this. But Mother Nature and American Airlines had different plans. We ended up playing the “delay-then-cancel” game trying to get out of town.  Maybe part of it was our fault for trying to fly out on Christmas Day. We ended up celebrating Christmas at home. But after spending a week in the Caribbean with the intention to fly out again after one day at home. We had no real food in the house and of course no stores were open. So I turned our Christmas dinner into a Top Chef competition where we had to make dishes out of the random ingredients we had in the kitchen. The winning dish: a can of corn that I did nothing to but reheat. Ta Da! Ok, so we had some really bad food and any aspirations  for joining the cast of Top Chef were squashed as fast as a “quick-fire challenge”.  The following day gave us more of the “delay-then-cancel” game. This time AA didn’t win any fans with me – maybe it was the multiple times spent standing in lines for hours trying to get any information. We found out that we couldn’t fly out for another 2 days, and it was unlikely we would get to the same city as our already-checked luggage. With so many cancellations, the remaining flights just didn’t have any more open seats. My poor husband was sorely disappointed, and I drug him home all Eeyore’d up.  

So now we must tell them over the phone. Having a baby is exciting and fantastic and that doesn’t change just because the news is coming over the phone, but it would have been nice to be able to celebrate in person with the rest of our family.  After we tell them, I plan to send them a link to this blog. I hope that it can clarify and answer any questions anyone has.  We have been beside ourselves with the amount of support we have received and are very fortunate to have such loving friends and family.

Most Frequently Asked Questions:

Is it surrogacy in India safe?  We did a great amount of research before this undertaking. Our clinic is Surrogacy Centre India, and it is a very good clinic with a world-renowned reputation and a very dedicated staff. Our doctor (Dr. Shivani) was trained at Hammersmith College in London. She is very talented, but also compassionate. I have both the utmost respect for her abilities and the dedication she has to her work. Because of our history, it is very important that there is a Level 3 NICU.  This type of NICU has the ability to host even the most severe cases.  It’s kind of like an insurance policy - you hope you don’t have to use it, but if you do… you want it there.  

When I thanked our surrogate for protecting our child, she put one hand on her heart and one on her stomach. It was a gesture that transcended any language barrier, and I feel she is very committed to keeping the baby safe.  To be perfectly honest, I thought once I returned home I would worry about the baby being safe, but I have no such regret.  And after seeing the operation and meeting the woman protecting our child I can answer the question, “is it safe” with a very confident yes.

Surrogacy is legal in Texas, so why are you going overseas? This is an honest blog, so to be absolutely crude it boils down mostly to the cost.  The entire undertaking from IVF to delivery will be a little more than the legal/agency costs alone here at home.

Will you do it again? Honestly, I don’t know if we will do it again. We are discussing it as an option, but haven’t made up our minds. I can tell you that if we decide to grow our family further, then the answer is yes.

This seems private - why are you blogging? Ok, I understand this question and anyone who knows me knows I am the last person they would suspect of having a blog. A - I am not on “the Facebook” and B – wait for it - I don’t carry a cell phone.  I used to have one; I got it when a kid at the Andy Warhol museum in Pittsburgh made me feel like a dinosaur for not having one. I think his exact words went something to the effect of “YOU don’t have a cell phone?!?!” But after my son passed, people would call the cell while I was out doing XYZ with beautiful well wishes and sentiments. While I appreciated their calls, it could make doing XYZ after the conversation really difficult. So I lost the phone for a while and then found the sense of freedom from not having one overrode its convenience factor. To make a long story short, I’m not the tech-savvy person you suspect a blogger to be.  I am blogging because there are a lot of unknowns about undertaking surrogacy in a foreign country. I don’t know anyone who has done this. There are not a lot of books on the subject. The people who have started blogs and gone through this process have really helped me chip away at some of those unknowns. I felt a sense of responsibility to pay it forward.  It is a way to document our story for our child. And since a lot of our family does not live near us I thought it is a way that they could follow along as well if they want. I try to keep the blog centrally focused around this journey of IVF, Surrogacy, Pregnancy, and All Things Baby.

We have gotten an array of other questions, but it seems in most conversations these 4 in some variation or other seem to pop up. 

Bienvenidos Second Trimester - with everything looking great on the horizon!

The Nuchal Translucency test came back at 1.1 which is oh-so-very-normal. I was a little worried about this test coming back abnormal because of the initial high beta at 16dpo. The Nuchal Translucency is the first test indicator for Down’s Syndrome.  I have an uncle with Down’s, and when I was very young I thought he was one of the coolest people on the planet.  In fact, I still think he is pretty cool, and one of my favorite relatives on my father’s side.  But I have seen the trials that Down’s has played on his personal life.  

We had genetic screening done on ourselves before starting IVF.  The test is expensive, but we were fortunate that our insurance covered the cost.  (If you’re thinking about having it done, check your insurance- pleasantly surprised in my case). However, I learned from the screening report that Down’s is not genetic and that none of the chromosomal disorders are. So even if you have the test it will let you know if you are in the clear  for  genetic disorders, but chromosomally speaking you’re still in a worry world for a little while.  But like Mark Twain once said - “I have had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”  And I am fortunate to file that one in the never happened category.

We got back yesterday from our #Birthday #Babymoon #End of Year Vacation #Celebrate Mayan Calendar Ending in Mayan Country # Let’s Give a Trip as Many Hashtags as We Can trip.  We had a really great time. The Caribbean is incredibly beautiful and the diving was great.  I figure it might be awhile before we get the chance to go diving again… unless someone wants to come along – yeah, I’m looking at you, Grandma!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Season’s Greetings!

10 weeks

The scan looks great with both baby and surrogate doing really well, and baby has graduated from embryo to fetus....

 



       

Parker - We Love You

A little over a year ago, I had gone to the doctor because of light spotting. The nurse reassured me that 95% of the time it was nothing, and I should come in because it is better to be safe than sorry.  I had an ultrasound and then routinely went back to my doctor’s office. He told me that my cervix was beginning to shorten, and that I should call my family and immediately head upstairs to the high risk maternity ward (his practice is in the hospital). I was terrified, my husband was out of town, and I was alone. We do not really have any close family that live nearby, so I called my mother who immediately got in a car and drove down to Texas along with my sister.   I didn’t know what to do.  I was scared. I was 22 weeks along and although I knew nothing about NICUs or premature births at the time, I knew it was too early for our Parker.  The doctors decided I should stay in the hospital for the remainder of the pregnancy. The bed rest seemed to be working for the first two weeks, I had ultrasounds every other day and my condition seemed to be stabilized. The doctors even started talking about the possibility of releasing me in 10 weeks. But on Saturday night of Thanksgiving weekend, all hell broke loose as quickly as lightning striking. My water broke spontaneously at 10:30 PM and there was a pool of blood.  I was convinced I could still remain pregnant.  My husband, who had just left the hospital, rushed back. Once he arrived, he grabbed my hand and reassured me that I had to let the doctors deliver him. I cried the entire time our son was being born.

Parker was born at 11:49 PM on Saturday, November 26th. We knew his chances were not good being only 24 weeks + 5 days, but wanted to give him every shot. And he did really well for the first 24 hours, but on Day 2 it was discovered that he had significant internal bleeding in the brain and his other organs were failing his sweet little body. It did not appear that he would survive and if by some miracle he did, his outlook for a quality life was  non-existent. At that point we decided to let him go with God. It is not an easy decision to come to grips with. I dropped to my knees in the waiting room of the hospital begging God to show me a sign, begging Him to let me know if we were doing the right thing. I haven’t always been the most religious person, I’ve even denied His existence, and I didn’t deserve the grace He showed me that day. But as I got up and brushed myself off,  I took a deep breath before heading back into my son's unit. A NICU nurse stopped me -  not my son's nurse, but another nurse in the department.  She grabbed my hand, expressed that the nurses were talking about us, and went on to offer a great deal of support for our decision. I took her as the sign I needed, and I thanked God because I wasn’t sure if I would have the courage.

Parker who was beautiful, tiny and perfect in every way passed peacefully in my arms exactly one year ago today at 3:32 PM on Tuesday, November 29th.  He spent the last 5 hours of his life outside of the NICU box  and in our arms. There is no question in our mind that we made the right decision, as those were the only hours of his life that he was given any peace. He left this world knowing that he was loved.

That time was truly precious. I never thought the best day of your life and worst day of your life could be the same day. Holding my son, even for that brief time, was without a doubt the most incredible experience of my life.  I love both Parker and our little one growing and getting stronger in India so much... I wish I had the words to adequetly express it.
 

My Ghost Writer

 

 

Our Little Jelly Bean

 

 

I woke up to a very fabulous Thanksgiving Day treat - our SCI update. Everything looks great and we certainly have a lot to be thankful for this Turkey Day. Little one is measuring 18mm or 0.7 inches - about the size of a jelly bean. Tummy Mummy is doing well, and everything is progressing as should be.  The heartbeat is strong and measuring 166.  According to “Your Pregnancy - Week by Week” – “Eyelid folds are forming on the face and nerve cells in the retina are beginning to develop. The tip of the nose is present. Ears are forming internally and externally.  Elbows are present, and the arms and legs extend forward. “ Aaah, little jelly bean has elbows now.
 

 Thank you to my new SCI family, my dear friends, and, of course, my family.  I am grateful for you all. Happy Thanksgiving.

 

To tell or not to tell....

In all seriousness, the “to tell or not to tell” decision is not something to take  lightly, and in the past I would not have told this early so I understand if your questioning the thought. But this year has been a rather difficult one. Not just for me, but for our entire family. My husband and I did lose our son, but the rest of our family lost  a loved one as well. I admit sometimes in this past year I have been selfish with my own grief and have forgoton others must be grieving as well. This baby in no way will ever replace the son we lost. But this pregnancy does represent happier times ahead, and I don’t feel that I can protect myself from pain by not embracing this joy . I want my friends and family to be able to celebrate as well.   Besides it is really hard to keep news this exciting to oneself.

We were fortunate that my father-in-law was visiting last weekend.  So we had the opportunity to tell him in person.   At dinner, my husband and I both raised our glasses for a celebratory toast - after we already had a few glasses of wine that is - and announced we are expecting. (I admit I adore the expression on peoples’ faces before we begin the “Gestational Carrier” talk).  He cautiously raised his glass in absolute  horror. I am sure he must have been thinking “I should be happy, but have they seriously lost their minds????”  Once we explained I wasn’t pregnant, we all laughed and he was immensely relieved that I wasn’t taking an “everything is better with alcohol” approach to pregnancy.  I am probably having more fun with the drinking to announce our baby than I should. But when and where else does a girl get to celebrate pregnancy with cocktails?  Why not have a little fun with it?