Friday, March 22, 2013

India recently passed regulations requiring Intended Parents to travel on medical visas. Prior to this change,  IPs could travel on a tourist visa. The new ART surrogacy visa is a paperwork beast with certain requirements such that a man and woman be duly married for 2+ yrs, and come from a country that recognizes surrogacy.  These criteria effectively close the door on surrogacy in India for a lot of wonderful would-be parents. Over the past few years, I've learned that battling infertility is a battle against obstacles.  Each time you feel you have conquered a hurdle another one inevitably presents itself.
"Pick yourself up
Take a deep breath
Dust yourself off
And start again."

We have applied for our medical visas and have been denied.

Dusting off and starting again

We resubmitted, and now we wait... 

The Ministry of Home Affairs  announced on March 18, 2013 that current pregnancies & embryos  will be allowed to exit India in 2013 irrespective of a medical visa:

"This is a special case.... Else, we will be left with hundreds of parentless, stateless children. We can't open an orphanage for them." 

"The official went on to say exit clearances will be given on a case-to-case basis after making sure that foreigners or clinics are not abusing the relaxation. The official added that those caught violating the visa rule henceforth would be dealt with sternly."
To be honest, this announcement does provide great relief even though my little one was never in danger of being parentless or  stateless.

Our child will be a natural born citizen of the United States to two loving parents who are citizens of the US.  In 1790,  Congress passed the Immigration and Naturalization Act, granting citizenship to children born abroad if the father is a U.S. citizen. In 1934, the law was extended to mothers as well.
A DNA test after the baby is born will verify both maternity and paternity of the child, thus granting "natural" citizenship.

Our little one is even eligible to run for president if she/he so chooses since this same act stated "the children of citizens of the United States that may be born beyond sea, or out of the limits of the United States, shall be considered as natural born citizens"

You might remember a time back when John McCain ran for president. Maybe you remember that he wasn't born in the United States. His parents (both U.S. citizens) were living outside her boundaries when little Johnny McCain was born. The issue arose could he be president? The Constitution can be somewhat ambiguous and vague, and its wording questioned whether citizenship for those born on foreign soil is equal to  those born within our country's borders. Senator Don Nickles from Oklahoma led the charge and drafted a bill to get this question answered, only to find that Congress answered the question in 1790. An embarrassing faux pas for Don Nickles perhaps and the bill was sent to committee to die.  As for McCain,  he could indeed be president granted he found a running mate capable of identifying China on a map.

Although I am grateful for the Ministry's decision, it would be comforting to have a medical visa in hand. Fingers crossed our resubmission is approved.


Thursday, March 7, 2013

Christmas, Birthday, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, Halloween and Easter all rolled into ONE

(Especially when it is a fabulous, and everything is perfect with your little one report)

Now for the star of the show:



Saturday, March 2, 2013

March On


So March has rolled around, and I have been both looking forward to it and dreading it. It was never planned this way, but the anniversary of Parker's due date, and the age of our baby in India at the stage my son’s pregnancy was when I lost him are coinciding.  It seems like his one year anniversary was so long ago. I suppose the difference in time is a reminder of just how early he came.  Our mailbox has become the central point for this anxiety as Parker's baby registry was sold to MANY companies. We haven’t received any mail for a long time regarding his registry until recently. Now every day, the mailbox has been inundated with: "Your toddler should be doing this….. So buy this….. And celebrate his one year birthday with these decorations or at this fun play time place." And just when I begin to think it is all over they keep coming, much like Vernon Dursley getting Harry Potter's Hogwarts invitations.


 If you lost a child, it is hard not to daydream about them still being here with you - to imagine them walking around your furniture, playing with Duplos,  swinging on a swing, pulling your dog’s tail, and all the little things toddlers do. But it’s a slope I must be careful not to slide down.  When I spend my time mourning memories that never happened, it becomes difficult to focus on the joy and love my world has to offer.  These flyers in my mailbox don’t remind me of what happened - how you can be reminded of something you think of so often? But they do nudge me down that slope, I try so hard not to go down.

I don't remember who wrote it or where I heard/read it, there is a story that has brought me comfort.  I hope those in our blog family dealing with loss will find some peace in it as well.

There was a little beetle that lived in a village of beetles on a lily pad. They had a great life and would dance and sing.  But sometimes, one of the beetles would crawl to the top of the lily pad never to be seen again. The village knew the beetle died and this made them very sad. Eventually, the beetles carried on with their lives, found joy, and began to dance and sing again.  Then one day, our little beetle protagonist felt an urge to crawl to the top of the lily pad. When he got to the top, he could feel the warmth of the sun so he settled down and took a nap. When he awoke, he was transformed into a dragonfly. He stretched out and began to fly around. He could feel the sun dance on his wings and it was marvelous. He swooped and soared, and it was so much greater than anything he had experienced in his village. Then he thought about his beetle friends:  Should he go back and tell them that it was ok, that he was fine, and life was so much better? But after realizing how great it was for him to discover this himself, he decided not to deny the same experience to his friends.  So he soared off- happy!

As great as birthday parties, Duplo fun time, or pulling little Winston’s tail would be (well maybe not for Winston), I much prefer  to think that Parker is like the little beetle experiencing so much more joy than is possible on our proverbial lily pad - somewhere off in heaven, soaring his wings.