My Dreams Are In Far Off Places

 

 

Triple marker test came back:

NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL

 (That is three normals if you're counting)

 

 

J J J

 

 

  In the U.S., we have these infomercials for a product called the “Wax Vac”.  The whole idea of this product is that it is a vacuum that sucks wax out of your ear. The commercial goes on to talk about how dangerous Q-tips are and what not. Every time I see this commercial I think or say "What kind of idiot doesn’t know how to use a Q-tip?". Well, the kind of idiot who is 5’6', lives in Texas, writes on a blog called “mydreamsareinfaroffplaces” and manages to puncture her eardrum with a Q-tip.

 So I go to the emergency room. I'm completely embarrassed to admit that I don’t even know that if blood is coming from my ear that I should just go to the ER…. Nope, gotta check the internet.  After Google says "Get your ass to the emergency room”,  I head down, only to be more embarrassed when I have to explain what I have done.  After a great wait, I eventually make my way to the back and the doctor gives me this intense lecture about how bad and irresponsible it is to use these simple little cotton balls on a stick.  Then after the scornful lecture, I kid you not - he cocks his head, looks down, and smoothes out his voice in that Matthew McConaughey, gotta love Texas men accent and says “but I still use them”.  I was in so much pain that I bit my tongue in an attempt to not laugh out loud.

 

 

 

 

I knew before the whole Q-tip debacle that my telescope and a few other potential hazards have got to find themselves new homes in the attic. But now I have been scrutinizing my house with much more fervor because if a Q-tip can be dangerous to an adult, what damaging pitfalls must my house reveal to a baby? And on the spectrum of "Warwick Castle Dungeon" to "Bellvue Padded Room", I would like our home to fall closer to the latter.