When my child grows and asks “how do you know when you find love?"

I will be reminded of something once said by the Rasta purveyor of love himself Bob Marley “Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

Grand kisses on piazzas in Venice are nice (ok, so a little more than nice), but the true beauty of love comes from the completeness and joy you find in the everydayness of your life.    Then I’ll say “but wait untill you are 30 to date”.       

 

Rendered Speechless

 

 

Triple marker test came back:

NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL

 (That is three normals if you're counting)

 

 

J J J

 

 

  In the U.S., we have these infomercials for a product called the “Wax Vac”.  The whole idea of this product is that it is a vacuum that sucks wax out of your ear. The commercial goes on to talk about how dangerous Q-tips are and what not. Every time I see this commercial I think or say "What kind of idiot doesn’t know how to use a Q-tip?". Well, the kind of idiot who is 5’6', lives in Texas, writes on a blog called “mydreamsareinfaroffplaces” and manages to puncture her eardrum with a Q-tip.

 So I go to the emergency room. I'm completely embarrassed to admit that I don’t even know that if blood is coming from my ear that I should just go to the ER…. Nope, gotta check the internet.  After Google says "Get your ass to the emergency room”,  I head down, only to be more embarrassed when I have to explain what I have done.  After a great wait, I eventually make my way to the back and the doctor gives me this intense lecture about how bad and irresponsible it is to use these simple little cotton balls on a stick.  Then after the scornful lecture, I kid you not - he cocks his head, looks down, and smoothes out his voice in that Matthew McConaughey, gotta love Texas men accent and says “but I still use them”.  I was in so much pain that I bit my tongue in an attempt to not laugh out loud.

 

 

 

 

I knew before the whole Q-tip debacle that my telescope and a few other potential hazards have got to find themselves new homes in the attic. But now I have been scrutinizing my house with much more fervor because if a Q-tip can be dangerous to an adult, what damaging pitfalls must my house reveal to a baby? And on the spectrum of "Warwick Castle Dungeon" to "Bellvue Padded Room", I would like our home to fall closer to the latter.

 

 

 

16 weeks and we hear that baby and tummy mummy are doing well.

Heart rate measures 154 (Is anyone thinking it's a girl????) 

Nitty gritty:The baby is measuring right on schedule as normal with no apparent abnormality.  The placenta is low lying, but not previa. Cervical length is 32mm.

I can't wait to meet our little guy or girl!

A cradle reveal…. Why not, the nursery has a way to go….

Along with the cutest security system!

 

This cradle has a great deal of meaning to me, my husband bought it. I adore it and have decorated it with things that hold a great deal of sentiment.

My husband’s family is of English heritage and I wanted to reflect this with the English damask and lace. My family is of Irish and Native American heritage. My parents purchased the blanket for the cradle while they were in Ireland - thanks Mom and Dad!  I hung a dream catcher from the top; it's traditional for Choctaws to hang these over a cradle or child’s bed so that bad dreams will be caught in the web and good dreams allowed to flow through and onto the child. Hopefully, he/she will love his/her little place as much as I do and have lots of sweet dreams.

FAQ we get about surrogacy in India

We wanted to tell our family about our surrogacy plans in person, and have made an effort to do this. But Mother Nature and American Airlines had different plans. We ended up playing the “delay-then-cancel” game trying to get out of town.  Maybe part of it was our fault for trying to fly out on Christmas Day. We ended up celebrating Christmas at home. But after spending a week in the Caribbean with the intention to fly out again after one day at home. We had no real food in the house and of course no stores were open. So I turned our Christmas dinner into a Top Chef competition where we had to make dishes out of the random ingredients we had in the kitchen. The winning dish: a can of corn that I did nothing to but reheat. Ta Da! Ok, so we had some really bad food and any aspirations  for joining the cast of Top Chef were squashed as fast as a “quick-fire challenge”.  The following day gave us more of the “delay-then-cancel” game. This time AA didn’t win any fans with me – maybe it was the multiple times spent standing in lines for hours trying to get any information. We found out that we couldn’t fly out for another 2 days, and it was unlikely we would get to the same city as our already-checked luggage. With so many cancellations, the remaining flights just didn’t have any more open seats. My poor husband was sorely disappointed, and I drug him home all Eeyore’d up.  

So now we must tell them over the phone. Having a baby is exciting and fantastic and that doesn’t change just because the news is coming over the phone, but it would have been nice to be able to celebrate in person with the rest of our family.  After we tell them, I plan to send them a link to this blog. I hope that it can clarify and answer any questions anyone has.  We have been beside ourselves with the amount of support we have received and are very fortunate to have such loving friends and family.

Most Frequently Asked Questions:

Is it surrogacy in India safe?  We did a great amount of research before this undertaking. Our clinic is Surrogacy Centre India, and it is a very good clinic with a world-renowned reputation and a very dedicated staff. Our doctor (Dr. Shivani) was trained at Hammersmith College in London. She is very talented, but also compassionate. I have both the utmost respect for her abilities and the dedication she has to her work. Because of our history, it is very important that there is a Level 3 NICU.  This type of NICU has the ability to host even the most severe cases.  It’s kind of like an insurance policy - you hope you don’t have to use it, but if you do… you want it there.  

When I thanked our surrogate for protecting our child, she put one hand on her heart and one on her stomach. It was a gesture that transcended any language barrier, and I feel she is very committed to keeping the baby safe.  To be perfectly honest, I thought once I returned home I would worry about the baby being safe, but I have no such regret.  And after seeing the operation and meeting the woman protecting our child I can answer the question, “is it safe” with a very confident yes.

Surrogacy is legal in Texas, so why are you going overseas? This is an honest blog, so to be absolutely crude it boils down mostly to the cost.  The entire undertaking from IVF to delivery will be a little more than the legal/agency costs alone here at home.

Will you do it again? Honestly, I don’t know if we will do it again. We are discussing it as an option, but haven’t made up our minds. I can tell you that if we decide to grow our family further, then the answer is yes.

This seems private - why are you blogging? Ok, I understand this question and anyone who knows me knows I am the last person they would suspect of having a blog. A - I am not on “the Facebook” and B – wait for it - I don’t carry a cell phone.  I used to have one; I got it when a kid at the Andy Warhol museum in Pittsburgh made me feel like a dinosaur for not having one. I think his exact words went something to the effect of “YOU don’t have a cell phone?!?!” But after my son passed, people would call the cell while I was out doing XYZ with beautiful well wishes and sentiments. While I appreciated their calls, it could make doing XYZ after the conversation really difficult. So I lost the phone for a while and then found the sense of freedom from not having one overrode its convenience factor. To make a long story short, I’m not the tech-savvy person you suspect a blogger to be.  I am blogging because there are a lot of unknowns about undertaking surrogacy in a foreign country. I don’t know anyone who has done this. There are not a lot of books on the subject. The people who have started blogs and gone through this process have really helped me chip away at some of those unknowns. I felt a sense of responsibility to pay it forward.  It is a way to document our story for our child. And since a lot of our family does not live near us I thought it is a way that they could follow along as well if they want. I try to keep the blog centrally focused around this journey of IVF, Surrogacy, Pregnancy, and All Things Baby.

We have gotten an array of other questions, but it seems in most conversations these 4 in some variation or other seem to pop up. 

Bienvenidos Second Trimester - with everything looking great on the horizon!

The Nuchal Translucency test came back at 1.1 which is oh-so-very-normal. I was a little worried about this test coming back abnormal because of the initial high beta at 16dpo. The Nuchal Translucency is the first test indicator for Down’s Syndrome.  I have an uncle with Down’s, and when I was very young I thought he was one of the coolest people on the planet.  In fact, I still think he is pretty cool, and one of my favorite relatives on my father’s side.  But I have seen the trials that Down’s has played on his personal life.  

We had genetic screening done on ourselves before starting IVF.  The test is expensive, but we were fortunate that our insurance covered the cost.  (If you’re thinking about having it done, check your insurance- pleasantly surprised in my case). However, I learned from the screening report that Down’s is not genetic and that none of the chromosomal disorders are. So even if you have the test it will let you know if you are in the clear  for  genetic disorders, but chromosomally speaking you’re still in a worry world for a little while.  But like Mark Twain once said - “I have had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”  And I am fortunate to file that one in the never happened category.

We got back yesterday from our #Birthday #Babymoon #End of Year Vacation #Celebrate Mayan Calendar Ending in Mayan Country # Let’s Give a Trip as Many Hashtags as We Can trip.  We had a really great time. The Caribbean is incredibly beautiful and the diving was great.  I figure it might be awhile before we get the chance to go diving again… unless someone wants to come along – yeah, I’m looking at you, Grandma!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Season’s Greetings!