Saturday, May 4, 2013

May The 4th Be With You

Happy Star Wars Day

Is this celebrated by my nerd kind everywhere or just here in the U.S?

This nerd and former Girl Scout felt a need to be prepared, so we signed up for a "safety" class covering general baby care, infant CPR, and choking. I kind of agree with the other bloggers that the baby care part of the class was a bit of a waste of time. But the infant CPR, and specifically how to handle severe choking, taught me some new skills that would be good additions to any new parent's tool box.

I pondered what I was going to say when people asked why we were taking the class, since I thought they should clearly see I am not pregnant.   Do I really need to explain all this to these strangers?

Should I tell them - We like to learn new things, and the cooking class was full?

But then no one asked. So did they seriously think I was pregnant? A small woman I am not, but pregnant?

Well this ego-bruised someone is donating the dress she wore today, and not missing her Pilates class next week.

Also, just curious - is anyone else bombarded with "breast milk is best; don't feed your baby poisonous formula"?

Which my pediatrician did...but even despite this, I adore her so she is sticking around. In a 30 min interview (where she knew this was a surrogacy arrangement), she gave me a 15 minute lecture on how much better breast milk is than formula. I explained to her that our clinic doesn't ask the surrogates to breast feed. She went on and on about how much better it is for both the baby and for the birthing mothers, and recommended that I push the issue.  I asked the clinic if acquiring breast milk at a milk bank was a possibility. Unfortunately, I have been informed that New Delhi doesn't have milk banks.

Now between my pediatrician, the baby class instructor, baby books, mommy blogs, and anyone with  two cents to put in on the subject have me concerned that if I do not find breast milk in New Delhi, my baby will develop harmful intestinal issues. Now intellectually I know this risk is small, but it is hard to hear. My hands are tied - I can not produce breast milk and my clinic will not ask the surrogates to pump.

This Mom Guilt is some serious business.

Fortunately, I put this concern to bed with one single thought. If I pursued pregnancy I could provide breast milk. But I can not carry to term, and it is much healthier for our baby to be full term than to have breast milk. We did the best thing for him/her with the choices we were given.

It is what it is, and the fact that our little one is coming in 9 weeks. IT is beautiful.


  1. Oh Critty, you shouldn't be too concern about boobie milk! It is important for preemies, because formulas are harder to digest. Full term babies are just fine with formulas! You went extra miles to be a mom, don't let the guilt get to you.

  2. Funny, I had someone once mistake me for being pregnant. When I got home the shirt I was wearing went straight in the trash.

  3. I was reading that formula with DHA is a pretty good alternative. I agree with your rationale; it is better to have a full term baby with no breast milk, then have breast milk and no baby.

  4. This issue bothered me too! I looked in to milk banks back here in the US for our return. My husband just couldn't get comfortable with that idea. In the end it wouldn't have mattered because my babies had such bad reflux that they would have been on special formula shortly after birth any way. Since I couldn't give them breast milk I made/make a special effort to make their baby food and cook them home cooked, no preservative, organic foods. It may not be a replacement for breast milk but it's something I have control over...breast milk was out of my control!

  5. Your baby is going to feel so loved and will be in awe of the lengths that you and his/her daddy went to have her/him... that is all that matters.

    The breastfeeding guilt is definitely put out there. My siblings, plenty of my friends and myslelf were formula-fed babies- everyone turned out healthy and happy. :)

  6. I can not believe how fast the time is flying. It will be no time and you will be holding that precious baby.