Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Why Now? Why Surrogacy? Why India?



I don't think anyone chooses to use a gestational carrier. And it's not like you have some wine, one thing leads to another, you wake up the next morning "Oh, did I just sign a gestational carrier agreement?", and 9 months later you have a baby. For me, I had two miscarriages; the doctors ran every test they had and could come up with no reason as to why it was happening.  So when I got pregnant the third time, I was really scared.  My doctor told me that once he hears the heartbeat on the Doppler, there is less than 5% chance of miscarriage. Before I had never gotten that far. “Ecstatic is the only word that describes how I felt. I fell in love with my son Parker in the womb and at 24 weeks I gave birth to him. He was in distress at birth, but the doctors were able to resuscitate him. Parker’s chance of survival was very low- he had many health problems due to his size, including brain damage and internal bleeding throughout. At best, he was looking at a life sentence as a prisoner in his own body. Before Parker passed, we held him in our arms, we sang to him, we kissed him, and when it was time to go he knew he was loved. We took away his suffering, and gave ourselves the most unimaginable pain- a life without him.

The Doctors could not give a reason as to why this happened. Because Parker was so small and his position at birth required a surgery that made subsequent pregnancies life-threatening to both myself and our future babies, they suggested that a gestational surrogate could be a solution. I could consider undertaking the risk if it was just myself, but how could I do that with our children’s lives?
 
What we did not expect about this process was how complicated, emotional, or expensive it was going to be. Given that our fertility is quickly declining, time to save the money is just not on our side. Surrogacy in the US is expensive, complicated, and in cases where parentage is disputed, the courts tend to side with the birth mother even if no biological link exists. With various scenarios involving egg donors and sperm donors, defining who is a parent can get intensely complicated.

We both are really comfortable with international travel and wondered if IVF and surrogacy was an option somewhere else in the world. Well, it so happens it is...We looked into various other countries such as Thailand, Georgia, and Panama, before deciding on India.

 The critisism of surrogacy abroad is often focused on the possibility of exploitation. If in any way, we felt we were taking advantage of someone who is vulnerable to exploitation, we would pursue other options – Period- End OF Discussion- Full Stop!

 After six months of extensive research, we have found that Indian surrogates are paid between $6,000 and $10,000. In most cases, this kind of money is life changing to the surrogate; it is often more money than their family makes in 10 years. Imagine what you could do with an additional 10 years of your salary- Secure you children’s education? Buy your dream home? Start a business? Go back to school? They do all the things we would do with 10 years’ salary.

In the US, a surrogate mother is paid between $15,000 and $65,000. Although this is still a great deal of money, it is in no way as impactful. Since the woman who carries our child will make such a difference in our life, it is comforting to know that her life will be changed for the better as well.

9 comments:

  1. Totally agree with your post. Surrogacy abroad is very scary but an option for people who don't make a load of money or have not won the lottery, yet. From someone who found out about surrogacy abroad to late to use her own eggs I say you are right - go for it now instead of waiting. Good luck and sending lots of baby dust your way!

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  3. I agree with your choice totally. Better to do it now while you still can. We made a similar decision but our reason was partly financial -to do it now before we spent the money on a house instead! But also I'm a firm believe in geting on with life and living now, none of us know what's round the corner and it's my philosophy to live life for today and tomorrow and to try not have any regrets. I wish you the world of luck on your journey and a load more on top :-) I will follow your story. X

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  4. Wishing you all the best for your journey.

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  5. Delhi has developed as a major power in the recent past and emerged as one of the technologically advanced cities in all respects.be it science, medicine, agriculture or any field, Delhi has evolved into an advanced city. One of the major and important discoveries in medicine over the past years has been the innovation to treat infertility among men and women. Gestational Surrogacy in India IVF or in vitro fertilisation has been known to be a boon in the lives of many and has rekindled the dying hopes of many childless couples. It is an advanced medical procedure and can be undertaken by couples declared infertile. IVF clinic India


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